When
by Weezila
Summary: That conversation with Carol and Beth after Daryl left. What if it happened differently? Will it give more insight to our beloved kickass hunter?


"He just… left?"

"We couldn't allow Merle to come back here, not after everything he's done. Daryl didn't want to leave him again, and… he was right. I asked him to leave his brother twice already, and he did. For me. For us." Rick sighed, sparing Beth a sympathetic look, her big blue eyes wide in fear. It wasn't any secret that beating the Governor without Daryl by their side was… not favorable.

And secretly, it was terrifying, being without his presence. Being around Rick still felt like walking on eggshells, just _waiting_ for him to snap again. Daryl was the backup… perhaps even the rightful leader now, seeing as he'd taken it without so much as a second's thought the instant Rick zoned out after losing Lori, and done a damn good job. He'd become a real good man recently, an even better leader than the sometimes-insane leader Rick was.

It felt like they were suddenly flying without a safety net, running naked through a herd of Walkers. Daryl was their security blanket, and somewhere along the lines they'd all started sleeping ok knowing he was watching their backs.

So even though Rick was still in charge and everyone was still firing at all cylinders, without Daryl… it felt like they were just counting down the minutes until they were all turned. By a Walker or by a bullet courtesy of the Governor, it didn't matter much anymore.

"He didn't even think about it?" Beth frowned.

"Now Beth, it isn't our place to judge a man by his loyalties." Hershel allowed in a calm voice. "Daryl's done us a great service protecting us this far, but we shouldn't damn him for putting family first. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for one of you girls, don't cast Daryl out for doing the same."

"Merle ain't a man, he's a monster." Maggie said quietly, her voice tensed like a string ready to snap in the relative quiet of the cell block. Glenn didn't look any more relaxed sitting beside her, one arm wrapped protectively around her waist.

"Not everyone can be as fortunate to have good people as family, Maggie." Hershel sighed.

"He was—_is— _our family too." Glenn said stiffly. "He still chose that bastard over us."

"Daryl has his code." Carol said softly, looking down at the sleeping Judith in her arms. They hadn't even known she was paying attention to the conversation; she hadn't said much since Rick had told her Daryl wasn't coming back.

There was a beat of silence at that statement, before Glenn broke the pregnant pause and voice what they were all thinking.

"He said you would understand." He confessed to her. "Honestly, I don't get it. None of us do actually, I just… how would you know?" His voice came out angry in frustration, but Carol didn't seem to mind.

She pressed her lips thoughtfully, fixing Judith's blankets carefully.

"People like Merle get into you head." She said gently, not taking her eyes off the baby. "…I'd like to think I've changed a lot in the past year, but… but if Ed were to walk through that door, alive and breathing… I'd like to think I'd tell him to go to hell, but…" Her eyes flickered to the door, deep with long lost emotion—fear. "He got inside my head."

She returned her gaze to Judith, hugging her slightly tighter in comfort.

There was a long pause as everyone tried to wrap their minds around that.

"I thought Daryl was too strong for that. He doesn't like anyone telling him what to do." Carl blurted out from the steps.

Carol smiled a little. "Daryl's not afraid. He just… he _needs_ someone to tell him what direction he's supposed to be going in. He became the man we know and trust because he was following Rick's lead. But before that… all he had was Merle." She sighed.

"I _thought_ he was different after Merle was gone." Glenn said mostly to himself.

"Just like you were different after Ed…" Rick trailed off, giving Carol a deep look that she didn't lift her head to meet.

She only nodded slightly to herself. "We were both free. For a time." She got this sad, worried look on her face, and no one had to ask if she was thinking about her lost friend.

Glenn was looking pained. He had been the loudest advocate that Merle couldn't be allowed back at the prison, and hearing all this made it feel like he'd somehow damned Daryl to being his brother's clone. It wasn't that Daryl had chosen Merle over them, it was that they'd abandoned _him._ Left him to the wolves, right back where he was before he'd finally gotten away from his brother.

It wasn't enough to make him regret doing his best to protect Maggie, but enough to make him feel a tremor of guilt for the way it had to play out.

"He'll come back."

Everyone snapped their heads around to look at Carol again, this time in surprise.

"You really believe that?" Glenn said in disbelief.

Carol shrugged a little. "He's changed too much. It may take some time, but he's going to start to see things straight again. I just can't say if Merle will too."

"You're saying we're going to have this conversation about Merle being allowed here again." Rick said, not sounding like he was asking a question.

"I don't know if I can do that." Glenn said immediately.

"But… if Daryl comes back… surely that's gotta mean he's not about to put you guys in danger." Beth said carefully. "Maybe he'll have gotten through to Merle too."

"Merle's not that kinda guy." Glenn all but growled. "Daryl may have changed, but Merle never will."

"Perhaps… for his brother." Michonne spoke up, having been silent as always.

Rick gave her an unfathomable look. "You have something you want to share?" He prompted.

She didn't look happy being front and center, but grudgingly spoke again. "In Woodbury. He was always… asking questions, trying to find the time to go out and look for Daryl. He never cared one bit about much… but he cared about finding Daryl."

Rick frowned in thought. "It stands to say that if Daryl manages to get both of them back here, Merle's got to have at least _some_ idea of behaving himself then. For Daryl."

Glenn looked ready to argue, but Maggie placed her hand over his and he fell silent. "Maybe we let them in. Maybe. We're still not trusting him. He's gotta be treated like any new arrival with as much caution as a Walker then." She said firmly.

"Sounds fair." Rick agreed easily, glancing around for any sign of disagreement.

"That's if Daryl comes back. If Merle follows." Glenn said.

Rick nodded slowly. "If."

Everyone heard, but didn't comment on Carol's gently muttered, "When."


End file.
